Raptors coverboys Marco Belinelli and Andrea Bargnani. (via Interbasket.net)

Okay, I can forgive the local morning show guy for fumbling the name of Toronto Raptors guard Marco Belinelli. After all, he’s a relatively new non-hockey player. But, as a service to the public (and to Belinelli), I present a list of things that, while similar in some ways, are NOT Belinelli.

From the home office in Ajax, Ontario, Canada, here is tonight’s Top 10 List — Things Mistaken for Belinelli:

10. Béla Lugosi. The foreign-born actor appeared in films by Ed Wood, the Don Nelson of directors (ill-fitting parts, eccentric cast).

9. Baklava. A dessert (i.e., not a starter) from Turkey.  Confused with new buddy Hedo?

8. Bulimic. Perhaps a mixup with former Raptors guard Roko Ukic, whose pose AltRaps once compared to an underfed fashion model.

7. Benigni. The Italian performer is popular overseas, but has yet to find sustained success in America. Also appreciated for his improvisational skills.*

6. Bocelli. He’s a “Favourite Specialist Performer,” but some criticize him for unevenness and lack of technique.*

5. Jelly Belly. Little shots of sweetness that you’d like to have more of, but probably shouldn’t.  

4. Bollini. Goes well with a few dishes. 

3. Bellini. A tall drink that’s popular with the ladies.

2. Farinelli. He must have felt castrated by his former coach. 

And the top thing mistaken for Belinelli:

1. Balboa. ‘Cause they look alike!

(* Thanks to Doc Naismith for his suggestions.)

Agree? Disagree? Wanna add to the list? Comment below.

Below are those ten ideas to the best of my recollection, since theScore.com has decided to demolish and re-build their blog site. I broke the mold, people.

10. Howling at the Moon. Dunk while wearing a werewolf costume, handed to him by Michael J. Fox. [Pete's note: Bill Simmons would've loved that.]

9. Moonlighting. Vault over Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd, with that insipid theme song playing in the background, which is pretty distracting.

8. Moonstruck. Vault over Cher and Nicholas Cage. Big temptation there just to crash into ‘em.

7. Mooncake. With a mooncake in his non-shooting hand, taking a bite while in mid-air. The Chinese Torontonians will love it.

6. Moonrays. Line up the garden-gussying Noma Moonrays to form a runway to the hoop. Take a long running start. Spread out arms for effect.

5. Moonsault. Bring in WWE star, Toronto’s own Edge, and a wrestling ring. Stick them under the basket. Dunk, then land on top of Edge. In the words of King Kong Bundy, “Five! Five!”

4. Moonwalking (NASA approved). This one’s inspired by Eric Smith, but instead of an astronaut’s jumpsuit, why not go all out and wear the spacesuit, helmet and all? Surely the judges will appreciate the degree of difficulty.

3. Moonwalking (Thriller edition). Red leather jacket? Check. Sequined glove? Check. Dunk Contest crown? Check.

2. Full Moon. A one-handed dunk, since Jamario needs the other hand to yank down his shorts.

1. Moon Jumped Over the Cow. This one’s inspired by a fan in a Raptors forum. My idea: put Jamario in an outfit like those Ontario dairy farmers’. He’d be chillin’.

Related: Pre-Emptive Headline Puns by Howie The Hype Guy
Also related: NBA.com’s Dave McMenamin weighs in on my list (see Overall Rankings, #5).

Related greeting: Hi, Cleveland Cavaliers fans!

10. Danny Ainge, bitten by a Tree — from Ian Thomsen:

In a 1983 first-round playoff game with Atlanta, Ainge tried to tackle Tree Rollins. Ainge shrieked in pain from the ensuing tangled pile of bodies.

“We got into a little scuffle out on the court by the foul line and he almost bit my finger off,” Ainge said. “He bit it all the way through. I had to get two stitches.”

[...]

The next day, the Boston Herald published one of the great headlines: “Tree Bites Man.”

9. Kevin Johnson, broken by a Barkley bear hug — from Lowposts.com:

After Johnson hit a game-winning shot, Charles Barkley celebrated by wrapping him up in a big bear hug.  Barkley squeezed so tightly, that he popped and dislocated KJ’s shoulder.

8. Drew Gooden, infected leg hairs — from Business Week(!):

The normally robust Drew Gooden, a forward with the Orlando Magic basketball team, startled his fans when he missed three games in March because of infected hair follicles on his leg. This was no ordinary infection, however.

Gooden, who at first thought he was suffering from spider bites, was laid low by a virulent staph bacteria. He received antibiotics through an intravenous drip for 72 hours while doctors repeatedly drained his leg. “People were trying to make fun, like it was nothing,” Gooden said to reporters. “That was serious.”

7. Jason Collins, golf cart rollover — from BDL:

“Collins was injured in what a team spokesman called a ‘freak’ golf-cart accident. He partially ruptured his triceps tendon after his golf cart skidded and tipped over.”

And that’s that. Collins is expected to miss eight weeks. Doh!

6. Monta Ellis, on a low-speed moped — from Fanhouse:

The origin of his torn deltoid and high-ankle sprain came out today in a report by the San Francisco Chronicle, which termed it a “low-speed accident.” Well thank God for that. If Ellis had really ramped that baby up, just imagine what could have happened. I’m also curious as to how he managed to sustain an accident at “low-speed” on a moped. Don’t you essentially have to run it directly into something? Did a turtle jump out in front of it? Isn’t Monta supposed to be, you know, light on his feet?

5. Derrick Rose, freak apple-carving accident – from The Sporting Blog:

“It was a silly incident,” Rose said. “I was cutting up some food and I laid on a knife getting lazy in bed. I went to go get a bottle of water, came back, forgot the knife was there, then sat down and sliced my arm.”

So. Many. Questions. Don’t know where to start. Why is a man who only eats a steady diet of candy and sweets eating an apple? Was it covered in caramel? And why would he be carving it in bed? Or carving it at all? Just pick that thing up and eat it. It’s an apple, dude, not a turkey. And bottled water? Really? Mr. Fancypants Big Time Baller too good for the tap? Elitist.

4. Jeff Ruland, run over by a luggage cart — from The NY Times:

He had rejoined the team Jan. 7 after a five-year layoff because of an injured left knee.

Ten days after returning to the team, Ruland injured the right Achilles’ tendon in an accident outside the Boston Garden. Ruland has said he was hit from behind by a luggage cart pushed by a Celtics employee.

Ruland sued the Celts for damages, too. Given the tone of this post, I fear what happened after he “chomped gum vigorously”…

3. Muggsy Bogues, high on ointment fumes — from P-Bender:

Muggsy Bogues (Tor) missed the 2nd half of Monday’s Por-Tor game because he accidentally inhaled a muscle ointment during a halftime treatment and he then complained about dizziness.  Bogues: “Never happened to me before and I  hope it never happens again.  That was one of those fluke things you don’t even dream about.”

I imagine muscle ointment dreams would be pretty trippy.

2. Charles Barkley, blinded by hand lotion — from The NY Times:

Charles Barkley inadvertently burned his corneas when he rubbed body lotion into his eyes during an Eric Clapton concert and will miss the Phoenix Suns’ season opener Friday night.

An ophthalmologist ordered the forward to wear eye patches for 12 hours. Barkley traveled with the Suns to Sacramento for the opener, but Coach Paul Westphal said he would not play.

“Argh, ye scurvy dogs! Hoist the mainstay and sing me ‘Layla’!”

And the number one most bizarre basketball injury in the history of the NBA (so far)…

1. Lionel Simmons, Gameboy tendinitis — back to Lowposts.com:

Simmons missed two games during the 1990/91 season with wrist tendinitis, brought on from playing too much Nintendo Gameboy. As someone who likes to sneak in an occasional game of Tetris during the workday, I feel your pain, Lionel.

Raptorable mention: B.J. Tyler, frozen knee — from Hoopedia:

According to journalist Chris Young’s book Drive, Tyler accidentally fell asleep with a pack of ice on his knee, severely damaging it and thus losing all the speed for which he was famed, and subsequently had to retire.

Related reading: Basketbawful’s authoritative Worst Evers: Dumb Injuries

Disagree with the order? Got a better one for the list? Comment below.

I asked blogosphere denizens what their favorite quotes were. Here are their answers; be inspired and amused.

How sweet it is! – Clyde Drexler, upon finally winning a Championship with Houston in ‘95 (contributed by Mookie, A Stern Warning)

Fo’, Fo’, Fo’ — Moses Malone, predicting a triple sweep for the Sixers (Jared, Both Teams Played Hard)

It’s all f***ing entertainment. You all should know that sh**. It’s all f***ing entertainment. — Rasheed Wallace, not a fan of the flop (Brian, Empty The Bench)

The SHOT ON EHLO…. — Jim Durham calls Michael Jordan’s game winner over the Cavs in ‘89 (Kellex, Blaze of Love)

You shake a tree, a leopard’s gonna fall out. — Kobe Bryant warns J.R. Smith not to, um, shake his tree (Brendan, 2nd Round Reach)

*shrugs* — Jordan, after scoring a record six treys in a half – in a Finals – against the Blazers (Brett, Queen City Hoops)

Challenge me. Treat me like a game of checkers and play me. That’s all I’m asking, just play me. Treat me like Sega and play me. – Shaquille O’Neal spars with Dikembe Mutombo (QC Hoops)

That game was dedicated to Rick Adelman. I’m at home, in the bathroom, trying to take a dump, flipping through the channels and he’s complaining (on TV) about how I’m stepping over the line. I can’t even do a No. 2 in peace. I’m sitting there grunting at 12:30 at night. Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me? — Shaq, in response to then-Sacramento coach Rick Adelman, who had complained about O’Neal stepping over the free-throw line (College Wolf, TWolves Blog)

Who’s coming in second? — Larry Bird is really, really confident about winning the three-point contest (Sheed, Bust a Bucket) [Pete's note: Bird might've said that about any given playoff game, too.]

The key is not the ‘will to win’ . . . everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important. — Bobby Knight (Erik, Points In The Paint)

It doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning’s winning. (PITP) [Pete's note: Anyone care to guess who said this? Put your hand down, Erik.]

Were you inspired? Did you laugh? Yes? Good. No? Add your favorite quote in the comments below.

You can be my Roko Uno
You can pass to me when J-Kap won’t go
Be my (be my) be my (be my) be my Roko Uno

• Hot Cocoa (Prehistoric Hoops) — My supporting argument in Haiku:

Your sweet, sweet floater
Like marshmallows in my mug
Fourth quarter goodness

• Roko Mocha Latte (U-E, Hoop Heads North) — Brings energy off the bench

• The Bellboy (via Paul Jones, Joey Graham, Hassan Adams) — “No. Tonight you pack my bags.”

• Roko B. Ware (J.E. Skeets, BDL) — Goes to the hoop “just like a piledriver”

1. Video chatting with Taylin
2. Enjoying those delicious Pump Fakes. Bite Into ‘Em! (TM)
3. Recovering from CB4’s verbal smackdown
4. Researching work/life/blog balance – thanks to Channing Frye, Rod Benson, Greg Oden
5. Checking out the chances his alma mater, Meridian Community College, has at getting into the NCAA Tournament
6. Checking out the chances his alma mater, Meridian Community College, has at using him as a ringer to get into the NCAA Tournament
7. Scouting for a nice apartment in Miami, just in case

Got more ideas? Please enter in comments below.

10. Update his Facebook page

9 . Download iTunes of Dad’s band

8. Keep up his gypsy drum skills

7. Prank-call a certain teammate (let’s call him “Will S”)

6. Rate the funky-ness of his road trip

5. Track down local Croatian restaurants

Roko: so when r u dropping will?
Bryan: i know. he is such a n00b.
Roko: btw dont get marcus banks.

…

Roko: r u still there?

3. Distribute photos of Will S’s ineptitude

Reasons for poor A/T ratio, Exhibit A. (Francis Specker/AP)

Exhibit B. (Reuters)

2. Fake calls to avoid Will S

1. Read Pete Marasmitch